I think we need to stop focusing on submission in marriage. Hear me out…
There is so much talk about submission these days, especially within circles and labels slapped Christian. I believe in submission and I understand and agree with the analogy of Christ and the church. I have by no means arrived nor think I have all the answers.
What I do know is, there is always safety and freedom when we do things God’s way (even if I don’t fully understand God’s reasoning). He says in Isaiah 55:8, my thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the LORD. My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
Mankind, in our futile and earthly nature, have a way of taking the very essence of what God intended in scripture; the pure and beautiful and lovely nature of it, and morphing it into what is, frankly, kind of yucky and putrid!
Over time, we have seen submission turned into an excuse to treat women as less than and vice versa, for women to bark orders at the men, sheepishly hiding in a corner. Neither is right, nor God-honoring. Different roles within the home should never mean treating someone less than important or valuable.
If a husband is to essentially mimic Christ, and the wife (bride) equals the Church, it should be done the correct way. Otherwise, it gives Christ and the Church a bad rap, ya know? Sadly, it has!
If our marriages are going to portray the love of Christ, here is what I think it should look like:
{What True Submission Within Marriage Should Look Like}
- A beautiful pair of two imperfect people dying to self daily.
- Best friends doing life together for God’s glory.
- Two sinners daily laying down their pride.
- The husband loving his wife so much that he is willing to lay down his life for her.
- When the husband loves his wife this much, he will lead with love and gentleness.
- When the husband loves his wife this much, he won’t use his role to lord over her and make her feel less than important.
- A wife responds to her husband with heartfelt respect and honor.
- She sees her role within the home as valuable (equally valuable).
- Two people that view themselves on the same team.
- Two people striving together for the gospel’s sake.
- Never using his or her role as an advantage for the flesh.
- Never using his or her role to promote self and diminish the other spouse.
- The husband creating a place of safety and trust within the home.
- The wife being willing to listen and follow the husband’s lead.
- Two people who cheer one another on.
- The husband encourages and promotes the wife’s gifts and abilities.
- The wife praises and builds up the husband.
- The husband’s leadership role should equal his ability towards servanthood.
- A relationship defined by humility, love and respect.
It seems that if we went into marriage focused on walking like Christ and being obedient to Him in our individual lives as husband and wife, it would take care of all the rest. Two people walking a Spirit-filled life should automatically become a picture of submission, lived out!
If you are struggling in your marriage today, why not start with getting things right before the Lord individually. Then, come together, hand in hand, and do life together for God’s glory.
What if one spouse is willing to get things right and the other is not? Don’t give up! Continually show love and kindness and ask God for wisdom. Each marriage relationship is different.
Verses to study out for yourself:
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