Don’t Rescue Your Children

I heard that if you break a bird’s eggshell, you can prevent it from flying. A bird develops the strength of their wings by working hard and breaking free out of its own shell. If someone or something were to help free that baby bird prematurely, it could actually prevent the bird from having the strength to fly.

I thought about this concept all week! The imagery of it and the lesson God was teaching me hasn’t left. I thought about how I sometimes want to rescue my children from failure and swoop in to help them. I want to rush in an break the shell and have them emerge too soon.

Our kids need to work and struggle and be strengthened by a lifetime of failure. They don’t need us to rescue them and help them break free. In doing so, we are skipping the work and the struggle and the growing through failure.

How do you balance this struggle, Moms? How do you provide a safe haven and a comfortable barrier from the world, without swooping in to save them at any possible sign of failure or heartache?

It’s hard, right? So hard.

While my youngest struggled with school this week, I helped him when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t want him to get frustrated and feel defeated, so I helped him with reading comprehension on a quiz. A quiz where he was suppose to do it completely on his own. Although I had good intentions, I didn’t do the right thing. I emailed the teacher after he got a 100% on the quiz and I explained how, although I didn’t give him the answers, I did help him with the reading comprehension piece for his math quiz.

She kindly and gently wrote me back encouraging me to not help him next time. Although it is hard to watch our kids struggle, it will provide the proof needed to help him along his schooling journey. She was so right!

As we worked through his reading the next day, we were talking about characteristics of the people in the story. We stumbled upon the word BRAVERY. Underneath, it gave supporting words like

• unafraid
• confident
• fearless
• courageous

I asked my child what brave meant. I also asked him if we can be brave, but still be afraid inside. We came to the conclusion together that even though we are still afraid, we can step out and be brave.

Isn’t this the truest form of bravery? Stepping out and doing hard things, even when we are afraid?

Those summersaults in our stomach when we don’t want to answer a question in school? We can push through and try hard things. What will happen if we got the question wrong? We discovered talking through this that it wouldn’t be the end of the world and it would actually makes us stronger and more confident!

This was a huge teachable moment for my child that has struggled with anxiety. A lightbulb moment that made my Mama heart beam with joy.

You see, our kids will learn and grow. But we must let them struggle at times, fail, and have their fragile hearts broken. We can provide those gentle and teachable moments that will safeguard them, without rescuing them.

I hope this helps you. I am learning and growing and failing in this parenting gig right along with you other Moms! Let’s not be scared to fail as Moms. Let’s learn and grow and be stronger for it!

After all. . . we are still learning how to fly right alongside our children every day!