I cradle him in my arms and kiss him repeatedly. The next boy cuddles on my lap, and caresses my hand. Our girl, all grown up in her seven year old skin, sits quietly on the couch next to me.
With deep, fulfilling, desperate love, I long for my children all equally; without question or hesitation. I tell them this often, and try to show them in different ways how they are uniquely special.
I was tougher on my firstborn daughter. I had higher expectations maybe? What is it about mothers and daughters, we clash at times? Butt heads? Our emotions collide and we wound one another without realizing it.
About a month ago, our daughter had been in a funk of sorts. Bad attitudes and angry and emotional outbursts. The more we tried to fix it, the more it seemed she’d fight against us. My husband and I were weary and desperate for an answer.
And so I prayed for wisdom…
The answer came, one chilly morning as my daughter Riley and I stood next to one another waiting for the bus. For some God-ordained reason, I hugged her; but I didn’t just hug her quick. It was long, and I had to force myself to be extra affectionate with her.
That was a lightening bolt moment for me as a mom. For she looked up at me, and smiled. The kind of smile that goes deep within and I saw a spark in her eye that I had not noticed for months.
I saw her relax, and her shoulders slump, and she immediately asked me, “Mommy, have I been good lately? I really want to be a good girl for you.”
In that moment, her spirit melted as I showed her affection and words of affirmation.
And it was like the heavens opened, and God gave me clarity on this issue.
For the past month, I have been purposeful to show her extra affection, grace, and words of hope and gentleness. She is responding beautifully!
The more I talk to mothers, they breathe a sigh of relief and say, “you struggle with that too?”
This parenting thing is no small endeavor. It’s MIGHTY, a worthy and high calling!
2 Corinthians 10:4-5
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My almost five year old and I fight almost constantly. I try to show her physical affection but I feel so touched out most days, especially when both the kids are sick and affection mostly means sneezing and coughing in my face and using me as a snot rag. I want to get through to her, to praise her when she obeys and has a good attitude. But it feels like on a daily basis there is so little to praise. Thank you for reminding me that it is possible. I’ll continue to pray for wisdom and keep trying. Thanks for the reminder.
Such wise words. Thank you for this focused writing. As the mother of three females and one male, this spoke to my heart. It is easy for me to be affectionate towards my son and he soaks it up, but my girls…. They are prickly. They are emotional. But every time I overcome my own fear (?) and hug longer or choose to be more affectionate, I am met with love and relief. I can see they need that love. Thank you for reminding me of this.
Beautiful encouragement that I needed friend.
I’ve been thinking about this a LOT lately, especially as the mom of three girls! Thank you. Thank you for the encouragement and the reminder that I’m not in this alone. They DO need our affection…and mine feels so tapped sometimes, but I am trying to rely on God more and more to love beyond that…