I think we need to stop focusing on submission in marriage. Hear me out…
There is so much talk about submission these days, especially within circles and labels slapped Christian. I believe in submission and I understand and agree with the analogy of Christ and the church. I have by no means arrived nor think I have all the answers.
What I do know is, there is always safety and freedom when we do things God’s way (even if I don’t fully understand God’s reasoning). He says in Isaiah 55:8, my thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the LORD. My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
Mankind, in our futile and earthly nature, have a way of taking the very essence of what God intended in scripture; the pure and beautiful and lovely nature of it, and morphing it into what is, frankly, kind of yucky and putrid!
Over time, we have seen submission turned into an excuse to treat women as less than and vice versa, for women to bark orders at the men, sheepishly hiding in a corner. Neither is right, nor God-honoring. Different roles within the home should never mean treating someone less than important or valuable.
If a husband is to essentially mimic Christ, and the wife (bride) equals the Church, it should be done the correct way. Otherwise, it gives Christ and the Church a bad rap, ya know? Sadly, it has!
If our marriages are going to portray the love of Christ, here is what I think it should look like:
{What True Submission Within Marriage Should Look Like}
- A beautiful pair of two imperfect people dying to self daily.
- Best friends doing life together for God’s glory.
- Two sinners daily laying down their pride.
- The husband loving his wife so much that he is willing to lay down his life for her.
- When the husband loves his wife this much, he will lead with love and gentleness.
- When the husband loves his wife this much, he won’t use his role to lord over her and make her feel less than important.
- A wife responds to her husband with heartfelt respect and honor.
- She sees her role within the home as valuable (equally valuable).
- Two people that view themselves on the same team.
- Two people striving together for the gospel’s sake.
- Never using his or her role as an advantage for the flesh.
- Never using his or her role to promote self and diminish the other spouse.
- The husband creating a place of safety and trust within the home.
- The wife being willing to listen and follow the husband’s lead.
- Two people who cheer one another on.
- The husband encourages and promotes the wife’s gifts and abilities.
- The wife praises and builds up the husband.
- The husband’s leadership role should equal his ability towards servanthood.
- A relationship defined by humility, love and respect.
It seems that if we went into marriage focused on walking like Christ and being obedient to Him in our individual lives as husband and wife, it would take care of all the rest. Two people walking a Spirit-filled life should automatically become a picture of submission, lived out!
If you are struggling in your marriage today, why not start with getting things right before the Lord individually. Then, come together, hand in hand, and do life together for God’s glory.
What if one spouse is willing to get things right and the other is not? Don’t give up! Continually show love and kindness and ask God for wisdom. Each marriage relationship is different.
Verses to study out for yourself:
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Traci,
That was truly awesome! I haven’t been to your blog in a while, but when I saw your post about this on FB I had to check it out.
Have a blessed day!
Sandi
I agree with this so much! I have some married friends that are younger than me,and much more assertive than I am in most of life, but who believe in being completely submissive to their husbands. The problem is that they don’t tell their husbands when they don’t agree with a decision their husband makes, and then they complain about them all the time behind their backs. I believe that marriage is a team, and if you are not comfortable with something, you tell your spouse and you find a way for you both to feel good about the decision before you precede. I just thought it was kind of a strange dynamic and not what God would want. I am respectful to my husband, but I also share my worries or fears about decisions we are about to make and I don’t think that is not following God. We never do anything that the other doesn’t support!
This was exactly what I needed to read today. Recently, my marriage has come up against some pretty big “icebergs” in the water.
We are sinking. God is holding us up, but every hour I have to decide to keep working. I will do that until I only have to decide every day to keep working. Praying that it will become a weekly, then monthly decision.
Today, I am struggling, and it’s only 9am.
Blessings on you today!
I agree! “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.” Matt 6:33. When we are seeking Him above all else the rest comes in to play. Both are physical needs and our spiritual maturity will me taken care of my Him.
Traci, this such a wonderful post. I’ve stopped following a lot of marriage blogs because of the way submission is portrayed. It’s as though the wife is nothing and the husband is everything. Now, I believe in allowing my husband to lead and honoring him. But, I have a husband who believes women should be a part of decision-making. He strives to support, honor and love his family. Submission does not mean being invisible. Instead, it means being a viable part of your marriage. Again, thank you, for a fresh perspective on marriage.
Amen and amen!
I just feel the need to say that when you are striving to please God in every way possible and you tell your spouse respectfully how you feel and your met with either no response, or a cold unfeeling response, it’s not so simple. You will either cling to submission (which is really just another way of saying obedience to God) for all its worth, or you will give up entirely. To give those women a fair shake who may have tried to express their views and those views are not considered or valued by their husbands for whatever reason, we need to stop and think that maybe these women are clinging to Christ (who is the living word), as their only hope for things to ever change. I am one of those women who believes that if we grow not weary in well doing in due time we will reap a harvest if we do not faint. But more than looking for the harvest in my husbands life I want to be a friend of Jesus. John 15:14-15 You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. As I began to submit my husband, I came up againt fierce opposition in many dfferent forms,but I was ultimately wrestling satan . He didn’t what me to submit because he knew it would be the thing that would unleash the power of God in my life. But the gates of hell came against me as well. However they did not prevail against me . Gods love has won out. I have been submiting to my husband for 15 years and I have the promise of God that in due time I will reap a harvest. In the meantime I am harvesting the fruit of the vine (Jesus Christ ) in my own life. I love my husband more than ever (pure love) I have peace, I have joy, I have patience and longsuffering, have a gentleness I never used to have, and I have self control. They are all in my life compliments of Jesus the wine and His Father the vinedresser who prunes as He sees fit. My husband still doesn’t seem to care about my feelings (sometimes) when I tell him my views, but OH! The joy of the Lord is my stength And when I seem obsessed about submissin I am really just obsessed with the one who modeled submission to the Father . The one who is submission….. the one who is the way, the truth, and the life. The one through whom we MUST come to the Father, if we are to come at all !
amen what a testimony of God’s work in your life! Thank you for sharing here! Love you!